2007 EO Melbourne Golf Challenge Program

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Greetings and welcome to the Inaugural EO Melbourne Golf Challenge at

Waterford Valley Golf Course, April 27, 2007.

A meeting will be held at the clubhouse at 8am.

The tee times commence at 8:30am from the 1st & 10th tees.

 

EO Melbourne & Bushranger Golf would like to take this opportunity to thank:

Sam and the team at The Golf Clearance Outlet for supplying the accessories and for helping with the EO Melbourne hats and golf balls.

Roger Brown from Focal Point Garden Design for his help on the day, and for preparing the EO Golf Challenge Perpetual Trophy.

Sally Pitt of Pitt-Bull Media for her time and skill in creating this program.

Sam Saltis from bwired (and EO) for all his help arranging the event.

Gary, Judy and the team at Waterford Valley Golf for all their help.

 

The Format:  Two-ball best-score stableford. Teams of two will compete with each player golfing his ball for stableford points. The best score by a team member for each hole counts as the score for that team on the hole. The points are totalled and the team with the highest aggregate wins.

The Rules: The standard rules of golf apply. Bushranger Golf will be the final arbiter on the application of the rules of golf.

Extras: Side competitions will also be held for Nearest the Pin, Longest Drive, Best Round and Best Group.

Handicapping: Each player will be assigned a handicap by the organisers based on official AGU handicaps and information supplied.

Playoffs: In the event of a tie, a sudden-death playoff will be conducted. Teams play together as a twosome (taking alternate strokes playing one ball). Teams can determine the order as each member takes their first shot. This order is then continuous and carries over from one hole to the next until the playoff is decided.

The Teams and Tee Times are:

1st tee

8:30

Damian Arnall
James Cattermole

Brad Hoffmann
Rob Cecconi

1st tee

8:38

Ryan Trainor
Brendan McKeegan

Kovi Paneth
Paul Benveniste

1st tee

8:46

Adam Mayhood
Steve Hair

David Petersen
Scott Thompson

1st tee

8:54

Adrian Giles
Gerard Phillips 

David Shewring
Russell Phillips

 

10th tee

8:30

Anthony Bateman
Scott McInnes 

Malcolm Williams
Andrew Hirst

10th tee

8:38

Richard Steers
Nick Burton 

David Ribarits
David Turner

10th tee

8:46

Sam Saltis
Michael Kerr

Campbell Wilson
Ross Mitchell

 

Damian Arnall (Damo) – Vivir & EO

Comes into the field with a reputation as the Dr. Jekyll and Mr Hyde given his capacity to switch from chocolates to boiled lollies virtually mid swing. Can give the aggot a decent caning one minute and then destroy his good work with a fiendish effort at his next attempt. Is the only qualified physiotherapist in the field and given the physical and psychological frailty of some of his competition here, may do some tidy business before the day is done. If he takes the bikkies, he will be lucky not to draw the attention of the stewards. Will probably be swabbed wherever he finishes.

James Cattermole (Jimbo) – VHN Systems & EO

The man they call ‘Jimbo’ comes into this event shrouded in a veil of mystery so profound, our team of investigators have been able to uncover little about this enigma wrapped in a riddle. He is rumoured to be an unusual carbon-based life form, looking almost exactly like Anthony Robbins’ and John Howards’ love child. Alas, this cannot be substantiated. The truth is we have nil, nothing, nada, zilch, doughnuts, zip, zero to go on. And so we turn to the old Japanese proverb which suggests “When the character of a man is not clear to you, look at his friends”. Given the quality of his companion here, things do not bode well for this dark horse.

Brad Hoffmann (H) – Blue Star Print & EO

The Big H comes in here as a massive chance to take home the bikkies. Has set himself for this event and looks cherry ripe for an impressive performance. Is no stranger to the big stage having won the Huntingdale Charity Day in 2000 to jag a place in the Masters’ Pro-Am alongside fellow golfing luminary The Great White Flake. Hailing from the precipitous Beaconhills track that overlooks Waterford Valley from the Dandenongs, this mountain goat may be out of his comfort zone playing on level terrain. However, if the rumours are true that he possesses the most indomitable and versatile liver in the field, he should comfortably see out the journey here.

Rob Cecconi (Monster) – Sportsnet Holidays & EO

It is an ancient and often over-worked maxim in golf that we drive for show and putt for dough. Suffice to say it would appear that this bloke is most probably all show. Is capable of muscling the ball massive distances when the conditions are right and will be looking to add to his eagle collection on some of the juicy par fives on offer at Waterford Valley. With a background in big time sport that should give him an edge on all his competitors here, he comes in here as an almost unbackable favourite. As a long time supporter of Australian golf, he will be looking to put something back into the game this week and on form, preparation, looks, strength, pedigree, character, ambition and experience, he has no serious challengers in this field.

Ryan Trainor (Horse) – Ninety Days & EO

This dashing stallion never fails to create a stir in the mounting yard before a big race and has turned the heads of a few fillies in his time. Has genuine claims here as he possesses arguably the most intimidating moniker in the field, is a past president of EO Melbourne and can allegedly perform magic tricks with his golf balls. Is the renaissance man of the field with a diverse range of hobbies and interests, including a balanced mix of extreme outdoor and indoor hobbies, activities and interests. Is certainly one to watch here but may require blinkers to stay focussed on the job at hand.

Brendan McKeegan (Keegs) – Ninety Days, eMue Technologies & EO

A dapper gent on and off the course, he possesses an engaging sense of style and can be relied on to whip together a snappy ensemble to wow his many adoring fans. This distinguished man about town is well known for his jocular disposition and his refined palate and brings a touch of class to this glittering, star-studded field of golfing mega-stars. Has a massive reputation as a trendsetter on the course and has been spending a deal of quality time with his milliner in preparation for his fashion offering at the Inaugural EO Melbourne Golf Challenge. Can’t really golf at all but this erudite raconteur can talk and charm his way into and out of anything. Given the quality of the company he is known to keep, he must be considered a genuine threat in this field.

Kovi Paneth HP Debt Solutions

When Greg Norman started throwing tournaments away every other day, he just started up his own event (The Greg Norman International) to have a better chance of winning. Alas, he never jagged the ultimate prize of having his name engraved on the trophy with his name already on it. The dapper Kovi has managed to take a leaf out of Greg’s book and then go one better than the Shark with back-to-back wins in 2005 and 2006 at his very own tournament: The H.P. Debt Solutions Cup. With more winning form than most here and a clearly entrepreneurial approach to filling the trophy cabinet, he must be considered a strong chance, although the doubts linger as to whether he can win tournaments he isn’t hosting.

Paul Benveniste (Benny) – Investec

He comes in here this week as a massive chance for no other reason than the sound of his magnificent name. It rolls off the tongue with the svelte style of a Puerto Rican Rumba instructor and conjures images of a young gun Spanish golf pro who has burst onto the European tour and is being hyped up as the next big thing to take on Tiger and the golfing world. Besides his glorious moniker, his greatest assets are his positive thinking and dubious powers of recollection. For a long time he thought he won the ’84 US Open, but that was in fact the equally well-named Frank Urban "Fuzzy" Zoeller. He has the name, the belief and the cojones to go all the way, but may be missing the most important ingredient of all: a golf game.

Adam Mayhood – Cosmos & EO

This all-round sportsman likes to let his clubs do the talking on the course, however they never have much to say for themselves so he lets his mouth do the talking instead. A consummate professional in the ancient Australian art of sledging, this robust competitor will stop at nothing to get a little needle in where it can do some damage. Loves the cut and thrust of serious competition, and is equally as passionate and talented at unwinding after a tough day at the office. His most memorable victory came at an ambrose charity day for Ronald McDonald House. This great benefactor and philanthropist will be looking to give something back to the game that has been so good to him by winning another one for the kids here.

Steve Hair – Acromet & EO

Has an average on the golf course that puts Don Bradman to shame. And we’re not talking about Bradman the golfer who had a single figure handicap. Whereas the Don famously managed to finish with a batting average of 99.94 in test cricket, our man manages to parlay his massive slice and remarkable ball-losing skills into a golf average closer to 99 million. A strong swimmer, he may be at short odds to be donning his budgie smugglers at a few of the water hazards at Waterford Valley today as he searches for his lost balls. What he lacks in skill on the course, he is rumoured to make up for at lunch, with a refined palette and a hankering for something refreshing to wash it all down.

David Petersen (Viking) – Ernst & Young

This Viking is proud of his Danish heritage, which has a lot to do with eating, drinking, pillaging, skiing and finding creative ways of keeping warm on those chilly Scandinavian evenings. Alas, his impressive gene pool is almost entirely lacking the ‘golf’ gene, which may explain the vacancy sign hanging outside his trophy cabinet. Had some minor wins last century in a club comp and a hit-and-giggle ambrose day so seems to know his way to the post when conditions suit him. Is as skilful as any Scotsman at imbibing a wee dram when it is required and, if his current form holds up, may well require something medicinal before, during and after his round to see him through.

Scott Thompson (Thommo) – Ernst & Young

This enigmatic chap is a largely unknown quantity in these parts who is rumoured to be a master tactician around the links and a wily competitor. He has had a tumultuous on-again-off-again affair with the game for many years and, on his day, is capable of putting on an absolute exhibition of ball-striking and a glistening display with the flat stick. Is looking sharper on the course now than he has for yonks and certainly adds another dimension of class to this already handsome field. His very strong form on wet tracks means he must be treated with respect but this is his first start in a field of this quality so the journey may be beyond him. Loves fine cuisine and may simply be treating the golf as a necessary prelude to lunching in the afternoon. Perhaps consider for trifectas.

Anthony Bateman (Batman) – Mirvac

In a field of this class, it can sometimes be difficult for a first-up starter to make any sort of lasting impression but we are backing this debutant will not only score a goal with his first kick in the big time, he’ll probably celebrate by snapping all the goal posts in half. A devoted family man and passionate people person, he loves seeing the best come out in the folks he meets, and while he’s seeing that, he enjoys nothing more than putting a little something back into the game. And by ‘a little something’, we mean some fine red wine, and by ‘the game’, we mean his mouth. His meticulous pre-match preparation should hold him in good stead and he will be looking the goods right up until he steps onto the first tee.

Scott McInnes (Scotland) – Investec

Golfing legend Jack Nicklaus says that the more he practices, the luckier he gets. With this in mind, ‘Scotland’ is shaping up to have a most unfortunate day on the course, chock full of bad breaks and unlucky bounces. In spite of his name, he still has a lot to learn about the mysteries of our ancient game and the truth is that if he wasn’t with us here, he probably wouldn’t be playing any golf at all. Has done as much preparation this week as ever before and so is at very long odds to be in contention at the finish. Despite an uncanny ability to spot a drinks cart two fairways over, his pedigree looks much better suited to the rigorous challenges of the 19th hole where his natural abilities really come to the fore.

Malcolm Williams SJC Group

A massive threat here to barnstorm his way to victory with more golfing nous, experience and ability than just about the rest of the field put together. This family man is the low marker and has a pile of experience on the club circuit. However, the most worrying feature of this feisty competitor is his lack of direction in the nickname department. He may find his more cunning and artful opponents set about using the day to construct an appropriate moniker for him in the hope that the hubbub and excitement may distract this golfing machine from his primary objective. Is competing at a level well below his mighty standards here and should win by the length of the straight and going away from the field.

Andrew Hirst (Hirsty) – Investec

Another member of the ferocious Investec gang making a raid on the Inaugural EO Golf Challenge, he comes in here with one massive advantage over the rest of the field: he still carries a driver made of wood. Yep, a wooden wood. One could argue he is losing ground to his opponents by not using modern equipment, but our man knows better. His strategy is to psychologically intimidate his opponents into submission. Surely, any bloke bold enough to back himself with an outdated block of lumber from the tee box knows a fair bit about this caper. No doubt, good old Hirsty (pronounced as it looks: rhymes with Thirsty) will be cracking a few woodies down the middle at Waterford Valley and drawing a few satisfied smiles from his adoring fans along the way.

Adrian Giles (Adey) – Hitwise & EO

Like Greg Norman, Adey has attracted his fair share of criticism for being distracted by his off-course business interests and letting this affect his preparation for big events. Has been busier than most in the last week and certainly looks a little underdone in spite of the putter he keeps in his office. Loves his golf gadgets and added to his collection recently with a new Sure Shot GPS to help on his frequent trips into the magoombah. Between them, he and Norman have jagged two British Opens, one Malvern Hotel Rangoon Cup, six Australian Masters, one Hitwise Golf Association Championship, five Australian Opens and 56 tournament victories around the globe, and yet Adey still looks a little short of a gallop here this week.

Gerard Phillips – Wealth Smart

Once in every few generations, an individual happens along who redefines the very essence of what golf is. A player who is so in touch with the intangibles of the game that it appears he is interacting with the ball, the clubs and the course on a transcendental level, beyond the perception of mere mortal hackers. A player who appears to be able to hear nature’s secrets whispered on the wind and sense meaning in the way the dew refracts the early morning light as it rests on the blades of fresh cut grass in the tee-box. A player who can feel the nuances of the slopes and rolls of Mother Earth as if he could see the touch of gravity itself, falling to the ground like snow. Alas, Gerard is not such a golfer. Perhaps consider for box trifectas.

David Shewring (Retro) – Ernst & Young

This inspiring fashion plate might not know too much about hitting a golf ball, but he won’t be overlooked in the mounting yard as he wows his fans once again with another snappy ensemble. Got his moniker ‘Retro’ for some ancient adidas golf pumps he used to inflict on his playing partners. These days he is most likely to be seen raising the bat to acknowledge the cheers for another century as he makes his way down the 18th fairway. Is a great music lover so will be hoping his game is on song for a change. Is rumoured to be able to putt when he gets his eye in, but his best looks behind him now and he will probably do his finest work on the day by the bar, spinning some tall tales of past glories on the rugger pitch.

Russell Phillips (Two Dogs) – Ernst & Young

The most dangerous of the EY crew showing up here this week, the man they call ‘Two Dogs’ (don’t ask why) has a handicap in the mid twenties which ranks him firmly among the top quarter of a million or so golfers in the country. Can give the pill a decent nudge on his day so may be a contender on the long drive holes. Alas, this family man has a touch of the petrol-head about him, so most of his best driving is done behind the wheel of a car. Given the calibre of his golfing comrade here, he will need to bring his A-game to have any chance at all of reckoning in the finish.

Richard Steers – Macro Solutions & EO

This dashing and fertile raconteur and procreator adds a touch of class to what is an already stylish field. Raises the tone of the entire affair with his avant-garde approach to the game and dapper patronage of the fairways. He eschews the more traditional principles of golf and applies his own unique solutions to the challenges the game presents. Unfortunately, his tactical brilliance is never accurately reflected on his scorecard. With a massive pedigree and a silky swing, he will do a lot of damage on the practice fairway, but has shown a remarkable capacity to pull a Chuck Norris and go Missing in Action at the business end of tournaments. Expect to see him battling home mid-field at the line.

Nick Burton (Burto) – One Free Bike

Has to rate as one of the keenest in the field here having recently been bitten hard by the golf bug. Gets out on the course whenever he can and sets about flailing away with his trusty late 19th century hickory shafted set of sticks. Alas, consistency is a massive issue as he is capable of mustering a score of anything from 20 to 50 over par. Came in here initially as a guest of EO brother Bruce, who has since bailed, so is now playing as a proxy on his sibling’s behalf. Will be hoping to make a strong showing or he may find he is downgraded from proxy to patsy. Loves a wet track so watch out for him among the swoopers on the home turn if he’s had a good run with the drinks cart.

David Turner – APHM Group

This charming paradigm of erudition makes a delightful companion on any golf course. This family man has a profound respect for the traditions of the game and the test of character it applies to all who pull on a soft spike and take to the fairways. Although rumoured to be a superb strategist on the course, capable of planning the most efficient route from tee to green, his problems generally start on the backswing and don’t get any better from there. If he can make it into the barrier, get out the gates, settle into a rhythm and position himself perfectly at the home turn, he might be half a chance to pull some sort of Bradbury out of the hat right on the line. Maybe.

David Ribarits (Peter Pan) – APHM Group

A very confident & outgoing competitor who was once a well-known pants-man about town, this stylish chap is rumoured to have opted for a more retiring lifestyle in recent years. He is one of the most amiable contenders here and one of the most handsomely presented, always looking a treat in the mounting yard and very popular with the fillies. A most urbane and sophisticated metro-sexual long before it was fashionable, this exquisite ball striker has had a love affair with the game for many years. Alas, his golf will certainly be the weakest part of his effort here this week and he shouldn’t bother any of the more serious contenders when things start to hot up on the back nine. Will definitely require blinkers to perform at his best but will almost certainly refuse to put them on.

Sam Saltis (Sammy the Duck) – bwired & EO

Earned his moniker as ‘The Duck’ not because he appears calm on the surface while the engine is furiously spinning under his bonnet, but because of his unique ability to find the water on any golf course in the land. With showers forecast for the day, the conditions should be perfectly suited to his preferred style of play. Knows how to golf his pill into the hole under pressure as he proved with his wire-to-wire win in the 2006 Kelly Gang Shootout at Growling Frog. Is rumoured to have kitted himself out with some new weapons recently so expect some mayhem from his corner as he wrestles with his new gear out on the course. Shouldn’t be without a pretty half-decent chance of being somewhere near the finishing post at the business end of things. Perhaps.

Michael Kerr (Coota) – Kerr Capital

This one-time single figure player is close to the biggest gun in this field. A genuine ornament to the game, he scrubs up a treat in the mounting yard and can back it up in the heat of battle. Has winning form under his belt with a mighty victory in The Parthenon Golf Club Ambrose Pairs Championship of the World in 2004. Can monster the ball massive distances, but claims he is just as likely to shank the next one into the nearest pond. Is a keen angler and with plenty of water waiting for him around Waterford Valley, he might be wishing it was the EO Melbourne Fishing Day before the final putt is holed. With no wins in three years, it seems he is well past his best and although he won’t admit it, deep down he knows he is just making up the numbers here.

Campbell Wilson (The Big C) – bwired

This erstwhile humble, small town golfer is widely known to intimidate opponents with his big dog and his even bigger mouth, something he did to great effect during his famous win at the inaugural Kelly Gang Shootout. A gregarious character and an artful people collector, he is a good bet to win many friends by the end of the day. He has an unshakable self-belief and the powers of oration to keep letting his opponents know all about it. However, he has two minor flaws: Firstly, the words ‘course management’ do not appear in his dictionary and, more importantly, he stands on the wrong side of the ball. Like many weirdo lefties, he can give the pill a total caning and is capable of shredding any course if he finds his groove. In reality,  he has next to no hope of being involved here at the finish as he will be facing the wrong way from the start.

Ross Mitchell (Rosscoe) – Nesso

This nuggetty stayer comes into this field with some serious recent form and a reputation for knowing his way to the winning post when the conditions suit him. Is coming off a massive spell after a period of semi-retirement following several on-course disagreements with the laws of physics and thermodynamics. Seems to have put those problems behind him and has recently acquired a brand spanking new handicap so must be very confident he is heading in the right direction, most notably forwards rather than sideways when he tees off. Certainly has a smear of talent and if he has had his radar recalibrated in the last few weeks, he could threaten here. One to watch.